Falling in love with the man who leaves
I'll immediately say that the title is partially true, but is mostly melodrama.
A few days ago marked two years with my partner. We met in our first year of university and I could talk at length about everything I love about him. I must urge that you listen to the string melodies of Dragon Quest while reading this, as I am writing to it (not intentionally, I just felt compelled to start writing this while I was playing) But I legitimately still get butterflies thinking about him, letting alone being able to share the same spaces as him.
One of the most prevalent aspects of his personality is his composure. He's not the type to first make his knowledge known to you, nor the type to get angry. He hears, but he also listens to you first and foremost, and engages with that not just with acknowledgement but an appreciation. Whether you're similar or different, he's on no greater intellectual playing field than you, and his optimism is contagious. I would bequeath to him a license to heal anyone freely and without the need of a string of degrees and work placements, but that isn't my right. You just take a moment to talk with him and you feel both the sweetest comfort and the bittersweet awareness that people like him are so few and far between.
My favourite word, bittersweet, is back again to describe our situation. I've mentioned it in previous blog posts, but while we're studying here in the UK, he's still travelling from across the pond as an American international student. Every summer, he leaves for three months. Every Christmas, he leaves for a month. This Easter, he's gone for the week, yet the aching is ever stronger now that graduation is looming and I know it'll suddenly become a year's wait. Which is funny, I was previously in a four year relationship to which 90% of it was long distance, yet I handled that pretty well. Granted, that wasn't a very good one, but that's not something I'm ready to air out yet.
I got into some discussions on Reddit regarding the best steps going forward. My partner wants to do an internship in the US for a year, then come back to the UK for a masters, with the end goal being to live in Norwich with me. I, on the other hand, have never been ambitious with my career goals, I suppose because I could afford that luxury. I was uninterested in the professional world, and went to university to continue studying Media, knowing full well it wouldn't bode well for me financially. Now I'm in a relationship I want to hold onto forever, but now it calls for all that career talk. That talk of money. Suppose we got married in the US, easy enough. Then, for him to achieve a UK Spouse visa (and then eventually permanent residency), I would have to earn around £38k annum (right now it's £18k but changing this April), or hold a hefty savings.
That marriage stuff will come into fruition at some point after his masters, and for now he'll only be gone for a year after graduation. Nevertheless, I still worry. And I think about my place in all this. And I can't help but regret not studying something ballsy like engineering. If anything, so I can get a pay cheque that can pay those exorbitant flight prices to Chicago. I'm on my roadmap to being a frugal but content artist, but at what cost? Y'know?
Reply via email! ✰ First published 03/04/2024 and last modified 10 months, 3 weeks ago.